Thursday, August 30, 2007

Screwed up my life and my future

Hey people, I just screwed up my life and my future. If you must know why, it's because I screwed the whole english paper up and that means my L1R5 will probably be 10, provided I work very very hard on my remaining 5 subjects and get an A1 for all of them, but I simply don't have the mood anymore and I don't think I would be able to. I don't understand why! I spent quite a bit of time preparing for english, practicing narratives in my head a few days before the exam and today, the question was sort of ok, but I just drew a blank. For 15 minutes I just stared at the paper, then I started scribbling and 1 hour was up, leaving me 40 minutes to do the speech which I did not plan at all. I forgot the format totally, as in the structure, and I scribbled and scribbled, using correction tape here and there which made a bloody mess. I didn't even have time to check, and went I read through my compositions, I felt like laughing, it was like the work of a primary school kid. It was supposed to be touching but now it sounds comical and funny. Then for comprehension, they asked for a phrase but I forgot and listed the WHOLE sentence down. 2 marks gone. For vocab, truly becomes truely, and insincere becomes unsincere. There was another word which I know but I forgot suddenly. 3 marks gone. Summary? I don't know, I think it was the only section that I didn't screw up. Still, I think it's only mediocre work. Now what? If i'm lucky, i'll probably get B3 for my overall english, if not B4. If I get B4, I'll be utterly disappointed and I don't know... I might get C5, who knows. And there's the possibility of failing like last year's SA2 with a score of D7. I don't want to talk about english anymore. I don't even see the point in studying for the other 6 subjects now, especially since by L1R5 is screwed big time, I don't see the need to go for first 3 months JC anymore. I really lost my drive and don't wish to study anymore. I know what you're thinking, that i'm bitching for nothing because 9 is still good. I know it's good, but i'm sorry you can't change the way I think no matter how right you are. It's not a matter of good or bad, but the fact that I could have done MUCH better, as in 2 more grades up. So ya, please don't tell me that it's still good even though it's good. Anyway, the real fact on why I made such a fuss is because I can't go to VJC anymore and not because 10pts isn't good.